• I still run up the stairs like a gorilla because its easier that way. ( Funny Status iPhone App ★★★★★)
• The History channel should rename itself to “The Scripted Reality TV Network”.
• You know those orange cones they put on the highway for you to knock down? I just beat my high score!
• I can tell how uncomfortable a person is just by hugging them for 17 minutes.
• LIKE if you say “EA Sports, it’s in the game” along with the guy who says it.
• That awkward moment when you’re trying to end a conversation and the other person won’t stop talking.
• If your status update contains the words, “I know 99% of you won’t repost this,” there is a 99% chance you’re an idiot. (Source: Funny Status Update Fan Page )
• Name your iPod ‘Titanic’, plug it into the computer, “Titanic is syncing”, press cancel, feel like a hero.
• You have 2,000 friends on FB and your profile pic was taken in the mirror? You couldn’t find one of your “friends” to take it?
• I’m not broke but my “check wallet” light is on.
• I MISS- ❒ My old friends. ❒ Being happy. ❒ The person you used to be. ❒ The good times. ❒ My childhood. ✔ All of the above..
• That scary moment when your teacher says that they’re gonna start calling on random people.
• When you’re in bed and you can’t sleep so you just lay there making mental movies of perfect scenario’s in life.
• That awkward moment when iTunes shuffle decides to put on your most embarrassing songs. (VIA Twitter: @FreeFunnyStuff )
• The older I get, the more I enjoy being bored.
• LIKE this with your tongue. (95% of people can not do this!) ( Funny Status iPhone App ★★★★★)
• My room isn’t dirty, I just have everything on display like a museum.
• Hate being fat. Love eating food.
• Scariest thing ever: when a kid sings a nursery rhyme really slow.
• Good friends don’t let you do dumb things… alone.
• You can convince people to go anywhere with the promise of free food.
• Does it distrurb anyone else that “The Los Angeles Angels” baseball team translates directly to “The The Angels Angels”?
• Spending half of the movie wondering where you’ve seen the actor before. (Source: Funny Status Update Fan Page )
• Why is it when I am alone, I want to be with people and when I am with people all I want to do is be alone?
• If you get sexted by someone you don’t like…does that mean you got molexted?
• That frustrating moment when you know exactly what something means but not how to explain it.
• I hate when I’m wearing my apple bottom jeans and I can’t find my boots with the fur.
• Sometimes Google should just come back with a message that says “trust me, you don’t want to know.”
• I hate when I think I’ve found a parking space, only for it to turn out to be a cart corral.
• I don’t have a dirty mind… I have a sexy imagination! (VIA Twitter: @FreeFunnyStuff )
• People who often use & understand sarcasm are more likely to have a high I.Q.
• That awkward moment when your sarcasm is so advanced, people actually think you are stupid. ( Funny Status iPhone App ★★★★★)
• Say this fast: I, 1, 2, 1/2, 6.
• Who is “feat.” and why is he in every song?
• People don’t change, they just become a clearer version of who they really are.
• 7 things I look for in someone: Beautiful, Intelligent, Gentle, Thoughtful, Innocent, Trustworthy, Sensible.
• Behind every girl’s favorite song is an untold story.
• For the love of everything, ASK me, don’t AXE me!
• Can you LIKE this status with your elbow? (no cheating)  (Source: Funny Status Update Fan Page )
• It’s a crazy day when guys wanna see a movie about a teddy bear and girls wanna see a movie about strippers.
• Facebook is my new “back of the cereal box.”
• Why isn’t “cheating” a relationship status on Facebook?
• Fat, single and ready for a pringle!
• Bro’s before hoes, not bro’s over your girlfriend.
• “Wow you’re cool.” LIKE if you read that in a sarcastic voice. (VIA Twitter: @FreeFunnyStuff )
• There’s nothing more satisfying than making a funny nickname for a friend and having it really stick.
• That awkward moment when you laugh so hard, your eyes water and people think you’re crying. ( Funny Status iPhone App ★★★★★)
• There is nothing more terrifying than sneezing while driving.
• If I don’t answer my phone the first time you call, calling 5 more times isn’t going to make me answer.
• Word of Advice: Don’t let Life kick your butt.
• If I want to nap for just an hour, I have a big glass of water beforehand. Alarms can be turned off, but a full bladder waits for no one.
• Sending a risky text & thinking.. “Oh god, they hate me,” if they don’t respond within 30 seconds.
• Sorry, I can’t hangout. My uncle’s cousin’s sister in law’s best friend’s insurance agent’s roommate’s pet goldfish died. It was tragic. (Source: Funny Status Update Fan Page )
• Sometimes I like to congratulate someone for no reason, just to watch the confused panic in their eyes.
• If I ever get arrested, I think I’ll use my one phone call to have pizza delivered.
• “You can get all A’s and still flunk life.” -Walker Percy
• Okay, If we get caught here’s the story…
• 2pac + Eminem + 50 cent = 2 packs of M&M’s for 50 cents.
• Being fat is like a trophy for all of the awesome food you ate.
• Kill your haters with kindness.Gift wrap explosives. (VIA Twitter: @FreeFunnyStuff )
• Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 50 minute clarinet solo.
• • Tum Agar Kisi Ki Chahat
    Paane Ke Liye Jee Rahe
    Ho..
    To Apne Dil Ki Baat Use
    Bata Do..
    Qki
    Zndgi Mauka Kam Or
    Dhoka Jayada Deti H.!
  • The plus sign is made with two minus signs!
    Means All negative things can be shaped as positive,
    by our hard work & positive attitude.
  • Today’s nature,
    tomorrow’s future,
    don’t be the part of pollution
    be a part of Solution.
  • Understand that friends come and go. But you should hold on to a precious few.
  • A fool may be known by six things :anger without cause, speech without profit,
    change without progress, enquiry without object,
    putting trust in a stranger, mistaking foes for friends.
    DO YOU HAVE ANY OF THE ABOVE QUALITIES??????
  • If you find someone is not comfortable with you, just come out of their life before they start hating you
  • The biggest advantage in speaking truth is that you never need to remember what you said earlier…!
  • Be prepared and some day your chance will come.
  • People will always throw stones in your path !
    It dpends on You ! what do You make from it:
    A “Wall” of difficulties.
    OR,
    A “Bridge of success.
  • When worshiper doing a worship,
    he looks handsome, because
    in influence of worship everything become like heaven
  • The biggest advantage in speaking truth is that you never need to remember what you said earlier…!
  • It’s unfair to think of you so much when you’re not missing me at all’ To cry when you never shed a tear.To love you when you say words that hurt my heart. And to live when you breathe for someone else…Be careful with your words, once they are said they can only be forgiven but never forgotten…
  • When life has good and bad
    Love has happy and sad
    The 1 who bear the sad
    Lives like what God said
  • Jo Haqikat hay us haqikat se”
    dur mat jayo lot bh ayo,
    ho gaeen phr kisi khyal men gom,
    Tom meri aadten na apnayo?
  • The Journey of LIFE is travelled only once!
    So,
    Make TAUBA for Past,
    SHUKR for Present
    And
    DUA 4 the Future
    Bcuz Dua is the Only Element that Changes TAQDEER….
  • Future is not what we planned for tomorrow
    It’s the result of what we do today
  • Anybody can love a rose,
    But it takes a great deal to love a leaf.
    Don’t love sumone who is beautiful,
    But love the 1 who can make Ur life beautiful.
  • Dolat sa mOhabbat na kar,
    Ae Insan  Kyun K kafan  Ki Jaib nhai hoti…
  • Guzri huwi zindagi ko kabi yaad na karna,
    Taqdeer me jo likha hai uski faryaad na krna,
    Jo hona hai wo ho k rahega,
    Fikar me kabi apni hansi barbaad na karna
  • A hopeless man feels difficulty in every chance and
    A hopeful man feels a chance in every difficulty.
  • It is attitude rather than your aptitude which determines your altitude.
  • That’s tough advice. Please don’t marry unless you are prepared to live by this principle. And if you ARE married, you are not the exception to the rule in living out this out in your everyday life.
  • When the Universe gives You
    Something good, don’t ask why.
    Just say “thank you”And be on your merry way.
  • Everyone has a BEST FRIEND during each stage of life, But only lucky ones have the same freind in all stages of life….
    Life is tough but Alla’s blessings make it to live.
  • When someone insults u..
    Think before u react..
    It takes 72 muscles to get angry.
    14 to smile but only 4 muscles to take ur middle finger up and say fuck off
  • Do u know why the car’s windscreen is so large & the rear view mirror so small? Becauze ur past isn’t as imprtnt as ur future So look ahead & move on !!
  • A nice relations is not like
    the rain Which pours and goes away.
    A ture ralations is like the air
    Sometimes silent but always around u.
  • Kuch achi si tips achey insan k liye
    1 >- ALLAH ki zat pr bharosa krnay wala kabi nakam nahi hota.
    2 >- Kisi ka raaz talash mat karo Agar malom ho jai to fash na karo.
    3 >- Koi b musibat parnay pr mot ki taman’na na karo.
    4 >- Insan k sub say baray dushman uskay buray dost hain.
    5 >- Kisi ko apna acha dost banana ALLAH ka tohfa hai.
    6 >- Kisi ko khush karna bohat barhi naiki hai.
  • Don’t give a chance
    to any1 in ur life
    to snatch ur smile from u.
    Because.
    World is 4 u.
    u are not 4 da world.

  • Negative thinkers see a difficulty in every opportunity,
    A positive thinker see an opportunity in every trouble, Wish you a hopeful life.
  • Try not to change your goals & strategy
    Simply because somebody special came along.
    Because you will never know if they plan to stay forever.

  • Never keep distance to a person who likes u so much &
    never get close to a person who doesn’t like you.
    Both will hurt u a lot.
  • • Holding on to anger, resentment and hurt only gives you tense muscles,
      A headache and a sore jaw from clenching your teeth. Forgiveness gives
      You back the laughter and the lightness in your life.

    • A person who has a lot of anger inside, definitely loves people more than anyone else…..
      because if read color indicates anger,
      then it indicates love too!!
    • One must not lose temper
      unless one is certain of getting more
      And more angry to the end.
    • I am sorry to be smiling every time you’re near.
      I am sorry my eyes twinkle whenever you’re here.
      I am sorry that cupid has made his hit.
      I am sorry i love you,
      I can’t help it.
    • Khush to bahot hoge tum,Ki forward karne ke liye SMS mil gaya,
      Magar aab kya karoge…?Jab msg me kuch bhi nahi mila…?
      Ha ha ha ha
    • If you would cure anger, do not feed it. Say to yourself:
      I used to be angry every day; then every other day;
      now only every third or fourth day.
      When you reach thirty days offer a sacrifice of thanksgiving to the gods.

    • Every man who attacks my belief, diminishes in some degree my confidence in it,
    And therefore makes me uneasy; and I am angry with him who makes me uneasy.

    • I feel the anger rise up in me
    The same anger
    That makes me bleed
    Inside
    In my heart and in my soul
    Killing me.

    • Kab hoi pyar ki barsat mujeh yad nahe?
      kaif me dobhi mulaqat mujeh yad nahe?
      main to madhosh tha kuch itna uski chahat mein,
      usny kab chor diya sath mujeh yad nahi,
    • HOW true MY felling were i found out to be the best thing in my life was when you married me thank you my loving wife for the years we share i know one thing for sure we make a wonderfull pair
    • Kadam kadam pay hawa ki simt ka dihan rakhna,
      Mushkil waqt main dosti ko yaad rakhna
      Hamari yadoon ki khushboo zaror aye gi tumhain”
      .
      .
      .
      bus apni NAAK SAAF rakhna.
    • Jab chala chor k batlanay ki zahmat bhi na ki,
      Khob tha dosti ek arsa nibhanay wala,
      Dushmani k bhi tu aadaab hain aey dost bata,
      Koi itna bhi na tha tujh ko batanay wala.
    • A large part of mankind is angry not with the sins, but with the sinners
    • A man that does not know how to be angry does not know how to be good.
    • Aj rotha howa 1 shaks bohat yad aya
      Acha guzra howa kuch waqt bohut yaad aya
      Jo mery dard ko seenay mein chupa leta tha
      Aj jab dard hua to bohut yad aya.
    • I used to think that the world is so unfair
      That it gave me so many reasons to hate it..
      But now, how can i hate such a wonderful world that gave me you?
    • If you would cure anger, do not feed it.
      Say to yourself:
      ‘I used to be angry every day;
      then every other day;
      now only every third or fourth day.’
      When you reach thirty days offer a sacrifice of thanksgiving to the gods.
    • Anger is a short madness.
      Don’t allow it to ruin
      long standing relations.
    • What I Did Was Foolish & Impulsive
      If I Cud Take It All Back I’d Do This So Instant
      I Truly Didn’t Mean To Hurt You In Any Way
      I’m Sorry For Hurting You
    • If you are saying right thing
      There is no need to get angry,
      And if you are wrong you do
      Not have any right to be angry.
    • Anger is the only evil which makes love invisible for a minute.
      And love is the only suspicious thing which is visible even after anger.

    • Do not teach ur children never to be angry
      teach them how to be angry.

    • Do something that makes a difference because
      By God, there’s a lot to make you angry.

    • Broken hearts, love’s deceit,
      Pieces fall down to my feet.
      Broken promises, love’s a lie,
      Puddles form from tears I cry.

    • The Angre Tree
      I was angry with my friend:
      I told my wrath, my wrath did end.
      I was angry with my foe:
      I told it not, my wrath did grow.

    • Muhalle ki Larkiyan hai kuch Naraz
      Q K
      Aitikaf me beth gya hai farazzzzz….

    • Rootha thaa jis garoor se woh b to yaad ker
      Aankhoun main teri aaj yeh aansoo fazool hain

    • Every drop of a Tear is Costly
      than anything in this World..
      But,
      No 1 knows its value
      until they have it in their own eyes
      For Someone Special.

    • Temper tantrums, however fun they may be to throw, rarely solve whatever problem is causing them.

    • Angry is like cancer which eats up the completely from innerside and known when condition is severe.

    • Anger is the thing that
      increase the speed of tongue
      than your mind.

    • Hum Na hOon gY to kOn Manaye ga Tumhain?
      Ya ghalat bat hy har bat py Rotha Na karo..

    • If u are saying right thing
      there is no need to get angry,
      & if u are wrong u do
      not have any right to be angry.
    • Do not teach your children never to be angry; teach them how to be angry.
    • Never get angry.
      Never make a threat.
      Reason with people.
    • If you speak when you’re angry,
      You will create the best speech you will ever regret.
    • When Iron gets hot you can mold it in any shape,
      Never lose your temper or else,
      Unless people will mold you the way they want.
    • If you r right then there is no need to get angry” &”
      If you are wrongs then you don’t have any right to be angry.
      •